PAUL RYAN BEATS HIS PARAKEET AS WELL AS HIS WIFE’S BROTHER WHO IS SORTA GAY AND HE ONCE PUT MASHED POTATOES ON A SCHOOLMATE’S CAFETERIA CHAIR CAUSING THE KID TO GET THE NICKNAME “SPUD PANTS” FOR THE REST OF HIS MISERABLE LIFE AND HE COULDN’T FIND A JOB BECAUSE OF “THE INCIDENT” AND NOW THE GUY LIVES IN A NON-UNION WALMART DUMPSTER WHERE A GUY THAT LOOKS A LOT LIKE PAUL RYAN WAS CAUGHT ON SURVEILLANCE PEEING INTO THE DUMPSTER WHILE LAUGHING AND POINTING AND A GUY WHO KNOWS ANOTHER GUY HAS IT ON GOOD ENOUGH AUTHORITY THAT RYAN RECEIVED A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT BY JUMPING AHEAD OF A BLIND BAY OF PIGS SURVIVOR AND RYAN ISN’T EVEN AN ORGAN DONOR HIMSELF UNLESS YOU COUNT THE BROKEN HAMMOND HE ONCE GAVE A CHURCH WHICH HE LATER PADDED IN VALUE ON HIS TAX RETURNS 6 YEARS AGO AND RYAN ALSO ONCE DEDUCTED A TRIP TO THE MOUNT AIRY LODGE WHICH SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE ARYAN AND A GUY WHO WORKS AT NETFLIX SAYS THAT RYAN RENTED AMERICAN HISTORY X SO A-HAA! AND HE RENTED THE BIRDCAGE TOO SO HE’S PROBABLY A CLOSET HOMOPHOBIC FOOT TAPPER.
Have I left anything out, proggies?
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